The Coping Skills Series: Name It to Tame It
- Matthew Kelley
- Jun 19
- 5 min read
Updated: Jul 10
Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed by a wave of emotion, only to realize later that you weren’t even sure what you were feeling at the time? Maybe you found yourself snapping at someone for no clear reason, or you spiraled into anxiety without being able to pinpoint why. Emotions can be confusing, intense, and even scary. But what if one of the most powerful tools for calming yourself down was simply giving that feeling a name?
In this edition of the Coping Skills Series, we’re diving into a deceptively simple yet incredibly effective skill: labeling emotions. Sometimes called “Name it to Tame it,” this emotional regulation skill is all about noticing what you’re feeling and putting it into words.
It may sound basic, but there’s a lot of science (and healing) behind this tiny act. And if you're looking for practical mental health tools to improve emotional awareness, this one is a great place to start.
What Is "Name It to Tame It"?
The phrase "Name it to Tame it" was coined by Dr. Dan Siegel, a psychiatrist and expert in interpersonal neurobiology. The idea is rooted in neuroscience: when we label our emotions, the brain shifts activity from the more reactive limbic system (where emotions are generated) to the prefrontal cortex (which helps us make sense of those emotions). In other words, naming what we feel helps calm our nervous system and brings a bit of order to the chaos.
This doesn’t mean we can control our emotions entirely. Feelings are natural, and they arise for a reason. But when we name them, we’re no longer letting them drive the bus. We’re taking a moment to check the map and understand where we are.
If you're navigating anxiety, depression, or emotional overwhelm, learning to label your emotions is a helpful step toward healing.
Why Labeling Emotions Works for Anxiety
Here’s why this coping skill is so helpful:
Increases emotional awareness. The more we practice identifying emotions, the more fluent we become in our emotional language.
Reduces intensity. Neuroscience research shows that labeling a feeling decreases activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain that sounds the alarm when we’re stressed or threatened.
Creates space to respond. When you know what you’re feeling, you’re more likely to respond intentionally rather than react impulsively.
Builds self-trust. Accurately naming your emotions helps you feel more in tune with yourself.
If you’re seeking tools for managing stress or coping with emotional dysregulation, adding this simple habit to your daily life can make a real difference.
Common Emotional Labels (and a Reminder That You Can Mix and Match)
You don’t have to come up with the perfect word. You can start broad and then get more specific. Here are some common emotional categories and examples:
Sad: down, disappointed, heartbroken, hopeless
Angry: irritated, frustrated, betrayed, furious
Afraid: nervous, anxious, panicked, uncertain
Happy: content, excited, proud, peaceful
Ashamed: embarrassed, guilty, regretful, self-conscious
Lonely: isolated, rejected, disconnected, forgotten
Sometimes we feel several things at once, or a feeling that doesn’t have a perfect word. That’s okay too. Just try to get as close as you can. The act of trying to name it is what helps bring clarity.
Practical Ways to Practice Labeling Emotions as a Coping Skill
So how do you actually use this in real life? Here are a few practical ways to start integrating this coping skill into your routine:
1. Pause and Scan
When you notice a shift in your mood, good or bad, pause and ask yourself, What am I feeling right now? Try to identify at least one emotion, and write it down or say it aloud.
Example: You just got off a Zoom call and feel unsettled. You pause, take a breath, and ask yourself what’s going on. You realize: I feel insecure. I wasn’t sure if people were listening to me.
2. Use a Feelings Wheel
A feelings wheel is a visual tool that can help expand your emotional vocabulary. Start in the center with a core feeling (like sad or angry), then move outward to more nuanced emotions.
Example: If you start with “angry,” you might discover you actually feel “disrespected” or “resentful.” That specificity can give you more insight into what’s bothering you.
3. Journal It Out
Set aside a few minutes each day to jot down what you’re feeling. Try to describe it using at least two or three emotion words. No need to explain or solve anything - just name what’s there.
Example: Today I feel overwhelmed, unmotivated, and a little sad. I think it’s because I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself.
4. Use It During Conflict
In tough conversations, especially with people close to you, try leading with your feelings rather than your judgments. This can de-escalate tension and invite more connection.
Example: Instead of: “You never listen to me!” Try: “I’m feeling hurt and dismissed when I don’t feel heard.”
5. Teach Your Inner Critic to Use Feelings Words
Sometimes your inner critic just says, “What’s wrong with you?” or “Why can’t you get it together?” Pause and ask yourself, What might I actually be feeling underneath this self-criticism?
Example: Maybe underneath “I’m a failure” is “I feel ashamed and scared that I’m not measuring up.”
How Labeling Emotions Supports Childhood Trauma Recovery
If you grew up in a home where emotions weren’t talked about, or worse, were punished or dismissed. It makes sense that labeling your feelings might feel awkward at first. You may have learned to push emotions away or hide them even from yourself.
This coping skill helps reverse some of that early conditioning. By giving your emotions language, you’re telling yourself: My feelings are valid. They make sense. I am allowed to feel. That kind of self-acknowledgment is healing. It builds the internal safety that may have been missing when you were younger. If you're healing from complex PTSD or childhood emotional neglect, this skill can be a gentle starting point for reconnecting with yourself.
A Gentle Reminder
Naming emotions doesn’t mean fixing them. It doesn’t mean they’ll go away right away. But it does help you understand them (and yourself) a little more. Over time, this can be a powerful way to build emotional resilience.
You don’t need to be perfect at it. You just need to be curious. Even saying, “I don’t know what I’m feeling, but something’s there,” is a start.
Try It This Week
Here’s a challenge: set aside 30 seconds a day to pause and name what you’re feeling. Try it first thing in the morning, after a stressful moment, or right before bed. Keep a note on your phone or jot it in a notebook. You might be surprised by how much clarity (and calm) this simple habit brings.
Start Therapy in Hamilton, ON
If you want support learning how to work with your emotions more effectively, or if you’re curious about how childhood patterns may be showing up in your adult life, I’d be honoured to support you.
Emotions don’t have to be the enemy. When you name them, you tame them - and little by little, that’s how healing begins.
